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Self-Love vs Self(ish)ness

Self-Love vs Self(ish)ness

I'm sure you *think* you know the difference between self-love and selfishness but may possibly be mistaken - as I used to be.

To be "selfish" isn't too bad a word but we all think it is!

Let me break it down before you condemn what I'm saying.

To be "selfish" is part of having "self-love" BUT (and this is a big but) it's NOT about taking it to the extreme.

There is such a thing as being "extremely selfish" and this is the area you don't want to be in.

To be in the extreme zone you're seeing this group as completely greedy and inconsiderate and, honestly, can't see them having a great time over in these parts of the interweb.

They, for example, would walk into a meditation circle listening to music playing from their phone without choosing to put on headphones instead. There is no respect for the space they're sharing.

Now, let's say you're sitting in the same hall, listening to music. When a group comes into this space they booked to meditate together. Would leaving the space mean you have no self-love or would staying with your headphones in to not disrupt mean you have no self-love??

Absolutely not! It would then mean you actually have self-love because you have self-respect for your space and the lives around you!


It took me a long time to understand what this really was since all I could think about was fairie airie stuff before.

But to make it super simple, self-love is really self-acceptance!

Dr. Leon said this so eloquently, I won't attempt at explaining it myself:

"When we're self-accepting, we're able to embrace all facets of ourselves--not just the positive, more "esteem-able" parts. As such, self-acceptance is unconditional, free of any qualification. We can recognize our weaknesses, limitations, and foibles, but this awareness in no way interferes with our ability to fully accept ourselves."

Enter Self-Love.

Self Love

Self-Love has the same descriptions.

It's respecting of ourselves and our life.

It's unconditional, meaning, it starts NOW. Not after you've achieved financial freedom!

It's modest. You don't have anything to prove, you're it.

It puts your first without sabotaging relationships - you don't walk over others to feed "your self-love".

It's uncomfortable sometimes. You don't run from a situation you find yourself in because you LOVE yourself so much. You get to the root of the problem and address it before decided to walk away - your walking away is because you LOVE yourself so much that you know you deserve better.


This is where most of us empaths fall under - this sheet of fear.

It's that which stops you from setting boundaries, from saying "no", from honouring your needs and dreams over those of others.

This fear of selfishness is exhausting!

So, here's something you can do to help ease your decision-making into something more supportive of YOU.

Take a minute before responding to a request or invitation from someone but notice how you feel when considering accepting.

Ask yourself:

do you feel good, connected and open to this decision?


Are you feeling tense and drained by considering saying 'yes'?

This is where the real stuff begins, when you take the time to notice your body and how you're feeling!


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